MOVIES
The rumor mill has it that these movies will actually make it to the theaters soon.
ALIEN LOVE TRIANGLE
Kenneth Branagh (Hamlet, Henry V) discovers that his wife, Courtney Cox (Friends) is not only and alien, but also male. This year
BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS
From the Kurt Vonnegut novel. Bruce Willis as Dwayne Hoover, Nick Nolte as Kilgore Trout. This year.
THE MERCURY EFFECT
A Mercury Capsule that officially was never launched, crashes off the coast of Florida. From it emerge two intelligent and articulate chimpanzees. Shortly mankind is faced with a complete revolt of animals bent on overthrowing man. 2000?
A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM
Shakespeare! I can't wait. Michelle Pfeiffer as Titania! 1999
THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING, THE TWO TOWERS, THE RETURN OF THE KING.
New Line Cinema will film all three as separate movies in New Zealand. Expect state of the art computer special effects. Release date unknown.
MIGHTY JOE YOUNG
Bill Paxton, Regina King.
Remake of a classic. A twenty foot gorilla that's basically a kind hearted puppy. Of course in an American city he's a little out of his element. The previews look great. December 18, 1998.
THE WILD WILD WEST
Will Smith as West, Kevin Klein as Gordon, Kenneth Branagh as Dr. Arliss Loveless. (Isn't he a little tall?) Summer 1999.
BATMAN 5 (Batman Triumphant?)
Rumors now have Kurt Russell in the black cape and Jeff Goldblum as the Scarecrow.
STARTREK: INSURRECTION
December 11, 1998.
STARWARS EPISODE ONE: BALANCE OF THE FORCE
May 21, 1999
MY FAVORITE MARTIAN
December 22, 1998.
ONLY IN AMERICA
Humor contributed by Pam Barker
Only in America...
- can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
- are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
- do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke.
- do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
- do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage.
- do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
- do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
- do we use the word politics to describe the process so well: Poli in Latin meaning many and tics meaning blood-sucking creatures.